Today, I saw two eagles. I saw the first one while Josh was at horse therapy and the second while driving. Today Josh rode Wikki -- a very slobbery and hairy horse. Up in a tall pine tree, right next to the trail we were on, sat a majestic eagle. I have never been that close to an eagle in the wild before. I felt a little honored and then I wondered what the eagle was looking at. It was the consensus of the horse therapy group that the eagle was scoping out some ducks in an adjacent yard. I felt sorry for the ducks -- they'd have no chance. I wondered if I should change my opinion on the majesty of the eagle, and then I thought, no, the eagle is still majestic and seeing him is still amazing. He is just doing what he needs to do to survive -- he is following the course of nature.
I thought about how I don't always focus on the beautiful part of life -- I just see the ducks about to be eaten. Often it is hard for me to look past the difficult parts.
For instance, today, Josh pooped in his pull-up while I was looking at shoes at Kohl's. This wouldn't normally be a big deal, but through some user error, I took the wipes out of my car and did not put them back. That oversight on my part led to a quick trip to Target that began with me picking Josh up off from the floor and putting him into a shopping cart. I think he weighs about 70 pounds now. I pick him up by grabbing the collar on his shirt and coat and then scooping him up behind his knees. I have to haul him up like this because when he doesn't want to do something, he lays on the ground like a dead fish.
After getting him in the cart, I tried to ascertain the quickest way from the front of the store to the baby section and the wipes. I'll admit -- I felt sorry for myself and a little embarrassed by the prospect of taking my 10 1/2 year old to the baby aisle to buy wipes. I normally just buy a case of them at Costco so it feels less sad. The other ladies on the aisle had a infant car seat attached to their carts with a cute small baby in them. I had a giant 2 1/2 year old in my cart who was trying to scratch all of the skin off from the tops of my hands. When I moved my hands to stop him from scratching, his next tactic was to try and pull things off from the shelves. Shopping is sometimes hazardous.
After purchasing some wipes and a couple of other things that I needed, I took Josh into the bathroom and changed him in a handicapped stall. He laid down on the floor. Gross, huh? It was the best idea I could come up with. He seemed happy to be clean again, and happily left the store.
So back to the eagle. Josh is who he is. He is naturally a little messed up in his head because of a lack of FMRP1 protein (I think that's what it is he's missing). I need to remember to see the majesty in him -- and not just the hand scratching and dead fish imitation. I think that would help me to be a happier me.
